Considerations for Families of Terminally Ill Patients

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I am in the last week of this assignment! I absolutely cannot believe it. It has flown.

I have some grand plans on my break between this assignment and an extension at the same building into September. I am headed to Spain to walk a pilgrimage called El Camino de Santiago. You may have seen a movie called The Way which was directed by Emilio Estevez and whose main actor was his father, Martin Sheen. It's this path on which I will be trekking next week!

Anyway, I am working my last week on the initial contract at this facility, which I have come to appreciate....the therapy team, the residents, many others in the building, from the nurses to the dietary staff to the housekeepers.

They are good people.

So, my work week this week is Sunday through Thursday. Saturdays are always a great day to treat patients, but Sundays are sometimes a bit tough. Patients don't always want to work on Sundays.

I walked into Robert's room today. It was my first treatment with him. By the end of 45 minutes, I was pondering how amazing it is that people with terminal illnesses are able to achieve a level of intimacy with strangers like me that they are not always able to achieve with their own families with whom they have lived and loved for years.

Robert had dialysis yesterday.

How dialysis works

I asked him about it. He was exhausted.

A word I have heard from dialysis patients often is WEARY.

Within five minutes, he shared with me that he was so tired that about six months ago, he had decided to go off dialysis and onto hospice. He could not take the strenuous schedule and the exhaustion he felt after each appointment.

Robert called a family meeting. His children could not accept it. He continued on dialysis. Because of them. Not his own needs. Theirs.

This is what so many people do. They hold on because their family members are not ready or willing to let them go. They hold on out of fear of what will happen to their elderly spouse if they pass. They just hold on.

And suffer.

I cannot judge this situation one way or another. I only know that I see so many older people suffer because they do not want to let their families down. I also know  -  and maybe this is because I work around long term care - that I would never want my parent to hold on because I didn't want them to die.

So, a note to family members of people with terminal illnesses: 

Consider letting your family member know that

• you love them!
• you do not want them to suffer!
• if they feel they need to go, you support them on their journey beyond!

Can you imagine how much less suffering there might be if we could all just do that.....

Sending Constance Beyond

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Remember my first patient who really inspired me at this assignment?
Constance, my 3pm appointment, with whom I loved to laugh during the Ellen Show...

She went out late last week to the hospital. She came back Monday with hospice services. Ohhhhhhh.....for all you who work in skilled nursing, sometimes those older folks you just love come home from the hospital ready for their life graduation.

Constance was laying still in her bed, covered only with a white sheet, white as a sheet herself, nasal canula supplying much needed oxygen to help her breathe. My own breath did a sharp intake.

"Oh, Constance!"

I could tell her life force was dwindling. Family had been called in. Most of the day, the room had been filled with family members. Two daughters stood outside the room.

I turned to them. "I just want you to know what a blessing your mom has been. I have enjoyed her so much!" I went on to tell them about what happened when we got together to prepare her arms for splinting.

They smiled broadly. I could tell it brought them some sense of relief from their grieving.  They encouraged me to go tell her goodbye.

I walked into the room. The hospice nurse aide was there at the bedside. I went to the other side of the bed and leaned into her ear.

I told her all the beautiful ways that she had touched my life. I wished her a lovely journey.

As I walked out of her room, I could almost close my eyes and transport myself to a building about 2 hours from here in which I had worked in the past, a building whose people handled death more lovingly, attentively and Christly than any I had ever seen.

The building had a special cart of cold and warm drinks and food. They had beautiful low music playing in the background. When the loved one passed, the body was escorted out of the building with a chaplain, followed by a member of each department, in prayer and honor to the one who had passed.

I will never forget the respect and honor that was paid to those graduates of life. I can only hope that I provide some sense of positivity to those who are preparing for their journey here.

Ben Harper's Acoustic Version

"Waiting On An Angel"

Waiting on an angel

One to carry me home

Hope you come to see me soon

Cause I don' t want to go alone

I don' t want to go alone

Now angel won' t you come by me

Angel hear my plea

Take my hand lift me up

So that I can fly with thee

So that I can fly with thee

And I'm waiting on an angel

And I know it won' t be long

To find myself a resting place

In my angel's arms

In my angel's arms

So speak kind to a stranger

Cause you'll never know

It just might be an angel come

Knockin' at your door

Knockin' at your door

And I'm waiting on an angel

And I know it won't be long

To find myself a resting place

In my angel's arms

In my angel's arms

Waiting on an angel

One to carry me home

Hope you come and see me soon

Cause I don' t want to go alone

I don't want to go alone

Don' t want to go

I don't want to go alone